Welcome to Egypt

Less than 48 hours ago my plane landed in Cairo airport. Yep, the Sphinx is back home for 10 days and enjoying every moment so far (that also includes driving chasing through the streets of Cairo).
I thought I’d try to report on the interesting encounters I pass by in my too-lively-for-its-own-good hometown, and this would be the first episode. For instance, take a look at this building:

This is the infamous “Mogamma el Tahrir”, a huge governmental office building in downtown Cairo that is _the_ symbol of Egyptian bureaucracy par excellence, and something many people would recognize instantly who were fortunate (?) enough to go inside.

Basically when you want to go get something done in this ominous building, you usually have to figure out where the hell the right one out of 3000 offices is. Once you’ve found the right person to ask, the next task is to make out anything from the directions you’ve been given. At some point after a long waiting time at the totally run-down elevator door and getting to where you’re supposed to be, you get sent to two different floors at two completely different sides of the building, once to get a certain stamp, and once to pay some fees. If you’re lucky, the other employees will understand why you’re busting in on them. If you’re not very lucky, you’ll end up going all the way back because “a signature is missing”. And if you’re VERY unlucky, they’ll send you to another faraway district of Cairo to get a paper they want.

This all doesn’t take place in a calm regular bureaucratic atmosphere though. It cannot really be described in words, but I’ll try nevertheless: If you’ve been an avid reader of Asterix, you’ll remember the story of “The place that sends you mad” in The Twelve Tasks of Asterix. The “Mogamma” is the only place I’ve ever seen to come close of that one.
The entrance is a large round area with a wide and once-upon-a-time-marvelous looking staircase, two photocopying booths with swarms of people in front of them, 4 elevators, each one with at least 10 people lining up at the doors, and a small friendly but disgruntled guy sitting inside on a wooden chair and pushing all the buttons. The lining up is fair enough, but that’s pretty where the civilized manner of the masses stops.

The building almost has a life of its own. It’s basically a huge complex of very long and dull corridors and and interior that’s in an almost archaic state. If you’re fortunate enough, there will be some signs or messy writing scrawled over the walls pointing you to the right direction. There are people running all over the place in every possible direction, talking in loud voices, open office doors and more or less active employees sitting inside with almost no PCs, large old wooden desks, and mountains of papers with people standing in the narrow spaces between the desks trying to get their paperwork done, while conversing with all the employees at the same time as if everyone had all the time in the world. The people come in all shapes, sizes and velocities, and if you’re in a busy place you’d have to be careful not to bump into the overweight guy dashing round the corner.

In other words: Epic.

The reason I went there today was to get a paper I need for a permission from the army for me to leave the country. When your draft has been postponed for studying purposes, you need that kind of stuff to get out of here again. The procedure went surprisingly smooth, and this is actually where my story ends.

However, I didn’t mention the punchline of the whole odyssey yet. Apparently, people in the place are too busy to think about what’s still relevant and what’s not. (Just a side remark that might help you understand what’s going on: The last time there were acts of war in Cairo – especially a very certain type – was about 40 years ago.)
I’m talking about a small plain wooden sign found above the elevator on the 7th and 8th floors, and God knows where else. The only thought that shot through my head was: “What in the name of..”
I took a picture of it with my crappy phone camera and translated it for your entertainment. I give you..

When an Airstrike happens

All employees should hurry calmly to the specified places and shelters via the main and side staircases according to the following system:

[A list of which staircases should be used by which offices]

In order to spare our souls, please regard these instructions with precision. After the airstrike is over, all employees should please head back to their offices according to the same system.

I love my city!

The Sphinx