A tribute to Mohamed Sa’id Al Sahhaf

It’s been almost 5 years already since the scandalous invasion on Iraq, and I thought I’d recap on an aspect that has caught everyone’s attention shortly before and during the first days of the invasion, but has somehow faded slightly from people’s memories. In an attempt to help prevent this phenomenon from heading towards oblivion and give it the credit it deserves, I hereby give you..

.. the greatest icon of modern propaganda, also known as Comical Ali or Baghdad Bob. Come on, who didn’t love this fellow’s daily statements during the invasion of Iraq? Whether you agreed with him or not, you couldn’t resist just liking the information minister’s commentaries. Even Chimpy.. erm.. Bush called the man “Great”. He has achieved the impossible, by supplying the planet with comic relief during a war, and for that he’s going down in history as one of the most charismatic and witty political figures of our time.

Here is a list of all of his legendary statements that still, to this very day, are IMHO hilarious beyond everything:

• “There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!”
• “God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis.”
• “They’re coming to surrender or be burned in their tanks.”
• “No I am not scared, and neither should you be!”
• “Who are in control, they are not in control of anything – they don’t even control themselves!”
• “We are not afraid of the Americans. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid..” (dramatic pause) “and they are condemned.”
• “The Americans, they always depend on a method what I call … stupid, silly. All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact repeat their lies.”
• “I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly.”
• “I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place.”
• “The authority of the civil defense … issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps,” he said, adding that the British and American forces were “immoral mercenaries” and “war criminals” for such behavior.
  “I am not talking about the American people and the British people,” he said. “I am talking about those mercenaries. … They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children.”
• “The American press is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies!”
• “I triple guarantee you, there are no American soldiers in Baghdad.”
• Of US troops: “They are most welcome. We will butcher them.”
• “We will welcome them with bullets and shoes.”
• “I speak better English than this villain Bush” (<– My personal favourite – ed.)
• “These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying”
• “They’re not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion … they are trying to sell to the others an illusion.”
• “They do not even have control over themselves! Do not believe them!”
• “That bastard the American Minister of Defense Rumsfeld, and I won’t say shamelessly, because they don’t know what shame means. These are criminals. The whole word can hear the warning sirens. This criminal sitting in the White House is a pathetic criminal and his Defense Minister deserves to be beaten. These criminals lie to the world because they are criminals by nature and conditioning. They consider this a military site! Shame on you! You will forever be shamed! You have ruined the reputation of the American people in the most terrible way! Shame on you! And we will destroy you!”
• (He called Americans and Brits “Tarateer”– In Iraqi slang, Tartoor means a guy full of farts, i.e. hot air)
• “they are nowhere near the airport ..they are lost in the desert…they can not read a compass…they are retarded.”
• “They are not in Baghdad. They are not in control of any airport. I tell you this. It is all a lie. They lie. It is a hollywood movie. You do not believe them.”
• “Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them! They are the ones who will find themselves under siege. Therefore, in reality whatever this miserable Rumsfeld has been saying, he was talking about his own forces. Now even the American command is under siege.”
• “On this occasion, I am not going to mention the number of the infidels who were killed and the number of destroyed vehicles. The operation continues”
• “We’re giving them a real lesson today. Heavy doesn’t accurately describe the level of casualties we have inflicted.”
• “Their infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad. Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected.”
• “Today I have visited whole Baghdad city, no invaders found. You go and see how we have ousted them from this city. They are cying outside and waiting to receive bullets. They will be killed shortly.”
• “These images are not the suburbs of Baghdad. From what I glimpsed, these gardens with rows of palm trees on the side, which you saw in the images, are located in the south of Abu Ghreib, where we have surrounded the Americans and British.”
• When told coalition troops occupied Baghdad airport -
  “…at Saddam Airport? Now that’s just silly!”
• “The situation is excellent, they are going to try to approach Baghdad…and I believe their grave will be there.”
• “NO”, snapped Mr al-Sahaf, “We have retaken the airport. There are NO Americans there. I will take you there and show you. IN ONE HOUR!”
• “We defeated them yesterday. God willing, I will provide you with more information. I swear by God, I swear by God, those who are staying in Washington and London have thrown these mercenaries in a crematorium.”
• “Please, please! The Americans are relying on what I called yesterday a desperate and stupid method.”
• “They (the U.S.) are deceiving their soldiers and their officers that aggressing against Iraq and invading Iraq will be like a picnic. This is a very stupid lie they are telling their soldiers, what they are facing is a definite death.”
• “We will slaughter them, Bush Jr. and his international gang of bastards!”
• “The shock has backfired on them. They are shocked because of what they have seen. No one received them with roses. They were received with bombs, shoes and bullets. Now, the game has been exposed. Awe will backfire on them. This is the boa snake. We will extend it further and cut it the appropriate way.”
• “Tonight, we will do something unconventional against them. This means: not by the military. We will do something that I believe will become a pretty example for those mercenaries. I would not be giving out a secret when I say that action in the dark against such mercenaries is effective, not through the action of armies. I say that dropping down those mercenaries in a surprise fashion at Saddam Airport without accurate calculations is largely meant for showing things. It’s a showy operation. It is a kind of surprise muscle flexing to the world to show it that the shock and awe operation is indeed successful. May they be accursed. Through this operation [shock and awe], they sent a number of their villains and mercenaries to be butchered. Again, and according to my early estimates, unless the remaining part of their soldiers surrender, the chance for their survival is very slim. The surprising thing is that after they threw their soldiers into a place where they are not aware of the real results, the villainous Americans, like Powell and the others, sat in Europe to discuss how to divide Iraq as spoils after the war [laughing]. This means what’s post-war. The post-war [Iraq] will be the same current Iraq under the leadership of President Saddam Husayn.”
• “We will pursue them as war criminals. We will work with all the free people in the world, and they are many, who want someone to bell the cat [i.e.; to do a daring deed], and now we are belling the cat, according to the famous [Arabic] saying so as to rid the UN of those villains. After Iraq aborts the invasion that is being carried out by the American and British villains, the USA will no longer be a superpower. Its deterioration will be rapid. I say to those villains who are meeting in Europe, thinking of launching psychological war and brainwashing: wait. Do not be hasty because your disappointment will be huge. You will reap nothing from this aggressive war, which you launched on Iraq, except for disgrace and defeat. Iraq will continue to exist. Its civilization is 10,000 years old. It will not be changed by villains like the US and British villains.”
• “Bush is a very stupid man. The American people are not stupid, they are very clever. I can’t understand how such clever people came to elect such a stupid president.” (<– Spot on. – ed.)
• “W. Bush, this man is a war criminal, and we will see that he is brought to trial”
• “I think the British nation has never been faced with a tragedy like this fellow [Blair].”
• “The United Nations….[is] a place for prostitution under the feet of Americans.”
• “They are sick in their minds. They say they brought 65 tanks into center of city. I say to you this talk is not true. This is part of their sick mind.”
• “We have destroyed 50 tanks today. That 5-ohhh tanks” [while holding up his fingers]
• “They are superpower of villains. They are superpower of Al Capone.”
• “There are no Iraqis disguising themselves”



• “They are retreating on all fronts. Their military effort is a subject of laughter throughout the world.”
• “…they are nowhere (pause)…they are nowhere, really”
• “I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place”
• “What they say about a breakthrough [in Najaf] is completely an illusion. They are sending their warplanes to fly very low in order to have vibrations on these sacred places . . . they are trying to crack the buildings by flying low over them.”
• “We have crushed the whole force which dared to venture there. Now they’re outside the wall and the heroic Republican Guard is now in control of the whole area. . . . So where are those villainous louts, those mercenaries?”
• “Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds…. The battle is very fierce and God made us victorious. The fighting continues.”
• “They think we are retarded – they are retarded.”
• (leaflet drops) “I think this is very laughable for a Superpower to be so cheap to drop inside Iraq such poor things and they are printed in Kuwait”
• “…crocodile tears [shed in] .. The gangster Bush’s lair…” (refers to Bush and Blair at Camp David calling for the Geneva Conventions to be applied to all POWs)
• “We’re going to drag the drunken junkie nose of Bush through Iraq’s desert, him and his follower dog Blair…There are 26 million Saddams in Iraq”
• “We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp”
• “When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfathers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves”
• “Those Iraqi fighters are slapping those gangsters on the face, and then when they flee, they will kick their backsides.”
• About Bush: “the leader of the international criminal gang of bastards.”
• “the insane little dwarf Bush”
• “The midget Bush and that Rumsfield deserve only to be beaten with shoes by freedom loving people everywhere.”
• “Rumsfeld, he needs to be hit on the head”
• “Yesterday we heard this villain called Rumsfeld. He, of course, is a war criminal, and he is one of the worst of the American rulers. He said the American mercenaries and the British mercenaries, they are defending themselves inside Iraq. They are in a defensive position. They are engaged in self-defense. They are fighting a self-defense war inside Iraq. Well, congratulations, Mr. Villain, you are defending yourself inside our country. We will show you what defense means.”
• “Bush doesn’t even know if Spain is a republic or a kingdom, how can they follow this man?”
• “After we finish defeating all of those animals we will disclose that with facts and figures.”
• “Bush, Blair and Rumsfeld. They are the funny trio”
• “We have shot down 2 Apache helicopters. Have the Americans said yet that they were shot down by their – what do they call it – friendly fire? No? Well… [dramatic pause, then smiles] …not yet!”
• Question: Is Saddam Hussein still alive:
  “I will only answer reasonable questions”
• “Don’t believe anything! We will chase the rascals back to London!”
• “We’re now trying to exhaust them, until our leadership decides the time and method to clean our territory of their desecration.”
• “Those are mercenaries. Most probably they will be treated as mercenaries, hirelings and as war criminals. … For sure, international law does not apply to those”
• Bush “knows that he is standing in quicksand when it comes to his baseless talk on Iraq”
• “This criminal (Bush) in the White House is a stupid criminal”
• “They are not in Najaf. They are nowhere. They are on the move. They are snakes in the desert…”
• Iraqi opposition leaders are “bats … and a bad American product.”
• “Even those who live on another planet, if there are such people, would have condemned this action before it started”
• On U.S. General Richard Myers: “He must be crazy”
  His reports are “basic propaganda”.
• Rumsfeld is a “crook” and “the most despicable creature.”
• Rumsfeld is “the worst kind of bastard”
• “The imperialist invading U.S. and British forces are like a snake that slithers all over the place but that doesn’t control anything.”
• “We feed them death and hell!”
• “They are nowhere near Baghdad. Their allegations are a cover-up for their failure”
• “They want to deceive their people first because now they are in a very shabby situation.”
• “Americans are now in disarray”
• “They are again in the dirt in the desert.”
• “They will try to enter Baghdad, and I think this is where their graveyard will be.”
• “We are determined to defeat them and destroy them on the walls of our capital, as we are determined to destroy their miserable armies in every Muslim spot.”
• “Iraq will spread them even more and chop them up.”
• “The Iraqi troops and the Iraqi fighters are in control of all the places, as we have witnessed. No big change in that. We are fighting against them.”
• “You think their tanks are in an endless line coming towards us, wrong they are only a few of them and they turn around and then return as if to make a long snake”
• “I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future, how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place”
• “In a few days, you will all witness something that can only be considered very beautiful against the Coalition forces. That, I assure you.”
• “we managed to chop off their rotten heads”
• “There are only two American tanks in the city.”

That’s all I could gather from the internet. Long live El Ministro!

The Sphinx

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Sort your priorities

I’ve been thinking of posting this for a while. Sometimes you’ll get discriminated against for something you can’t help, and some people will tell you that you have to live with it, because..

‘Terrorism is the greatest twenty-first century threat.’ – British Prime Minister Tony Blair, May 2003

‘Terrorism is the greatest threat facing free democracies in the twenty-first century.’ – German Chancellor Angela Merkel, May 2006

‘The greatest threat this world faces is the danger of extremists and terrorists armed with weapons of mass destruction.’ – US President George W. Bush, September 2005

‘No challenge is greater than the threat of terrorism.’ – Australian Prime Minister John Howard, May 2006

‘Terrorism is the greatest threat to world peace.’ – Russian President Vladimir Putin, September 2000

If they’re right, maybe I really should get checked every now and then, because you know.. You’d expect the greatest threat to humanity to be so devious in nature that you’d never even be aware that you’re an active part of it. (“Oh thank you for giving me a background search, I was actually worrying the other day that I might be a terrorist!”)

But are they really right?

Let’s see, anyone up for some statistics? Let’s look at some annual death tolls in Germany, listed by reason, approximate number of victims, and the year taken into account (Taken and translated from here):

Heart and cirulatory diseases: 350′000 [2004]
Legal Drugs: 210′000 [2005]
Cancer: 200′000 [2004]
Fine Dust: 75′000 [2005]
Blood poisoning: 55′000 [2004]
Injuries and poisonings: 35′000 [2004]
Medical Malpractice: 30′000 [2005]
Wrong medical prescriptions: 24′000 [2005]
Car exhaust gas: 20′000 [20,000]
Influenza: 20′000 [2005]
Medicament side-effects: 16′000 [2004]
Suicide: 11′000 [2005]
Care shortcomings at foster homes: 10′000 [2004]
Traffic victims: 6000 [2004]
Illegal drugs: 1500 [2004]
Hepatitis: 1200 [2004]
Asbestos: 1000 [2003]
Murder and manslaughter: 750 [2004]
Malaria: 700 [2004]
Swimming accidents: 650 [2003]
Psychotropic drugs: 500 [2002]
HIV: 500 [2004]
Tuberculosis: 400 [2005]
Mad cow disease/Creutzfeldt Jakob Disease: 140 [2004]
Hunting accidents: 40 [2004]
Floods: 10 [2002]
Deadly Police shootings: 10 [2004]
Lightning strikes: 3 [2002]

And finally…

Terrorist attacks: ZERO [Since 1993]

Alrighty then, as for my provocative question of the day: Isn’t it about high time people actually start worrying about other stuff as well? And shouldn’t they call something “The greatest threat” when it really is the greatest threat?

The Sphinx

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You’ve got mail

It’s always remarkable how really small and insignificant joys can save your entire messed-up day, and it’s even more fascinating how certain things can destroy your long-overdue and precious moments of euphoria in an instant. Behold this love letter I got just in time for Valentine’s day:

Your appointment as an assistant student

Dear Mr. ****

according to the present documents, your appointment as an assistant student at the Technical University of Munich – Faculty of Physics (Lectures affairs) – is intended for the 20th of February 2008 (<- Note the date. Today is the 14th – ed.)

According to instructions by the Bavarian Government, before the appointment of applicants with places of birth and/or citizenship of certain countries (..) can be carried out, an inquiry at the Bavarian State Office for the Protection of the Constitution has to be made for possible ties to radical Islamist-Fundamendalist terrorist organizations. (<- Oh for &$*%’s sake, not AGAIN – ed.)

As the inquiry at the State Office takes around four weeks to process, the decision over your appointment can only be definitely settled after the inquiry result has arrived. (<- Right, because I definitely won’t be 3 weeks late for the job by then – ed.)

Sincere regards,

****

Dear authorities: After giving me the special treatment solely for my nationality three times in less than a year, the fourth time is rather boring. But thanks a lot for screwing me over.

The Sphinx

Turkey eases headscarf ban

Well that was about time: The Turkish Parliament has finally decided to promote some real equality by amending their constitution, allowing veiled girls to attend University normally.

Many reasons why I support this move and dislike all this ruckus about Islamic veils. In all randomness:

• There is nothing as paradox as an agenda that supposedly is so “secular” and “democratic” that comes hand-in-hand with forcing girls to either take off their veils, or miss out on higher education.
• The veil is a personal choice, and yet it faces the most resistance from the self-proclaimed “personal-choice-supporter” crowds. Makes just as much (little) sense.
• In fact, a woman doesn’t lose any of her worth or dignity by choosing to wear a cloth over her head.
• Nuns and Orthodox Jewish women cover their hair too. Where’s the outrage about that?
• How come you can’t attend University with a headscarf in Turkey and you can in Germany, which counts as one of Turkey’s role models in secularism?
• Forcing all women to NOT wear a veil belongs in the same basket as forcing all women to do so. Make of that what you want, and no amount of comparisons to Swastikas is going to change that.

I remember that one incident we faced while in Istanbul (Check out the third comment on that post for a broader perspective. Whoever you are, thank you). And here I repeat my statement again: Being irritated by a piece of cloth over the head or a cross around the neck is a sign of intolerance. And God forbid anybody on this planet being called intolerant, right?

The Sphinx

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Is America secular?

An interesting question posed by fellow Egyptian blogger Jimmy. Read the answer he wrote here:

Is America a secular state? If you are going to answer with “Yes”, reconsider it. If you question the extent to which America is secular you would find out that it is very insecure to call the United States a “secular state”.

The question popped in my head when I heard one of the audience at last week’s Oprah saying “We are a religious nation”… He demanded all religious books, specially the Bible, be taught in public schools so the students would know more about the religions of the world. Then, some of the audience, one is a public school headmaster, rejected the whole idea as it is going to cost the schools more money, and goes against the “secular” principles of America.

To what extent is America a secular country??
According to the American Heritage Dictionary, ‘Secularization’ is noun from the verb ‘Secularize’ which means:

To draw away from religious orientation; make worldly.

And if you look up the meaning of the word ‘Secularism’ in an encyclopedia you would find out that:

Secularism is generally the assertion that certain practices or institutions should exist separately from religion or religious belief. Alternatively, it is a principle of promoting secular ideas or values in either public or private settings. It may also be a synonym for “secularist movement”. In the extreme, it is an ideology that holds that religion has no place in public life. (Free Online Dictionary by Farlex)

And with little research into the definition of “Separation of Church and State”, the following is found:

In the United States, the “Separation of Church and State” is generally discussed as political and legal principle derived from the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, which reads, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . . .” The concept of separation is commonly credited to the combination of the two clauses: the establishment clause, generally interpreted as preventing the government from establishing a national religion, providing tax money in support of religion, or otherwise favoring any single religion or religion generally, and the free exercise clause, ensuring that private religious practices not be restricted by the government. The effect of prohibiting direct connections between religious and governmental institutions while protecting private religious freedom and autonomy has been termed the “separation of church and state.”

Looking at the definition, and the later facts, it would leave no doubt that the United States constitution is simply based on the soul and true meaning of secularism… right?

No, in fact IT IS NOT.
I am not the one saying so, this is not an Egyptian young man’s claim… It is what the US House Judiciary Committee Report concluded in 1853 as the basis of its decision to deny a request to separate Christianity from the ongoings of the government. Here I quote it to you:

At the time of the adoption of the Constitution and the amendments the universal sentiment was that Christianity should be encouraged, not any one sect…. There can be no substitute for Christianity … that was the religion of the founders of the republic, and they expected it to remain the religion of their descendants. The great, vital and conservative element in our system is the belief of our people in the pure doctrines and divine truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Then in 1892, the United States Supreme Court stated that:

Our law and our institutions must necessarily be based upon and embody the teachings of the Redeemer of mankind . . . it is impossible that it should be otherwise and in this sense and to this extent our civilization and our institutions are emphatically Christian.

That is to say, in real life, the United States Supreme Court and US House Judiciary Committee have ruled out the establishment clause in the United States constitution and applied what they thought was right. But, what if the greatest presidents of the United States, who applied constitution themselves, are stating the same opinion as the US Supreme Court and the US House Judiciary Committee?? Read what James Madison (who took part in drafting the US Constitution) says:

We have staked the future of government not upon the power of government, far from it. We have staked the future of all of our political institutions on the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves according to the ten commandments of God.

Then comes George Washington:

It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible…. No people can be bound to acknowledge and adore the invisible hand which conducts the affairs of men more than the people of the United States. Every step by which they have advanced to the character of an independent nation seems to have been distinguished by some token of providential agency … We ought to be no less persuaded that the propitious smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right, which Heaven itself has ordained.

Then John Adams comes to state that the US Constitution is for religious people!!! Read:

Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. So great is my veneration of the Bible that the earlier my children begin to read it, the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful citizens of their country and respectful members of society.

And John Jay’s advice for the US citizens:

Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers, and it is the duty of as well as the privilege and interest of a Christian nation to select and prefer Christians for its rulers.

Things will be even more interesting if you continue to read Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin or Andrew Jackson say about Christianity being the “rock on which our Republic rests”. Check The Forerunner.

Can you see the contradiction at hand here?? The authors of the United States Constitution and, later, the presidents who apply this constitution are just stating the complete opposite of what they have authored. Then we move from words to reality.

Since 1957, each and every US banknote or coin bears the following statement: “In God we Trust”… Isn’t this one a religious symbol that printed on the country’s currency which is one of the US symbols? How secular is that?

Adding the statement: “Under one God” to the Pledge of Allegiance… How worldly and unreligious is that?

Using a Bible, or Quran in one case, for new congressmen to be sworn in; how secular and irreligiously oriented is that?
Blocking laws for homosexuality and abortion on religious basis since the Neo-cons are religious people and they are in power. To what extent is that secular of the United States?

Allowing schools and institutions to be built on religious basis (catholic schools… etc.), isn’t this an unconstitutional act in light of the establishment act in the US Constitution?

To make myself clear here, I am not attacking the United States for being unsecular. On the contrary, I am against secularism at some great points. What I am saying here is that if America itself cannot separate politics and state from religion, why are you calling other countries to apply what you failed to apply.

I never stop reading remarks about the Muslim Brotherhood in US newspapers that they want to apply Sharia law. No one stops attacking Iran over mingling religion with politics…. The list is too long to mention….

The bottom line is, why are you attacking people for building their constitution on the basis of their national religion when you do the same yourselves? Why attack the Egyptian Constitutions second item that says: “Sharia Law is the conrner stone of legislation” when it is practically applied to the core, at the same time you put Christianity as the corner stone of your state?

How legitimate it is of America to make such demands when the American house has so much cleaning and tidying up to be done?

I’d really like to add anything, but I can’t figure out what.

The Sphinx

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“So who is Charles Johnson?”

A friend of mine, who I will refer to here as “N”, had asked this question. This how it went on in a chat session:

Me: http://littlegreenfootballs.com <- This is Charles Johnson
N: I read some stuff but I was surprised that everybody is referring to him as “he”
Me: Where did you find the name?
N: Huh? On the blogs.. Where else?
Me: Which blogs?
N: One sec
Me: k
N: Ok.. I noticed it’s stupid to send you any links because you most probably know them all..
N: You know these anti-LGF blogs.. And of course the ones who like LGF
Me: Yeah
N: And it’s funny how everyone knows and is talking about “Charles Johnson”. I mean it’s like he’s someone important
Me: Unfortunately
N: But I’m kind of confused now. Is it like he is _the blogger_ of LGF
Me: Right
N: The only blogger? He’s doing all the work?
Me: Officially yes. Some people think he might have people helping him
N: That is one shallow-brained human.. If he’s writing all that stuff then he’s jobless, has no life, some psycho freak locked up in his room and spending the whole day typing some rubbish

And thereby, my evening was saved.

The Sphinx